There is no reality - only perception.

It is way too early for me to be up. 1:30 a.m. in Michigan, to be exact. My alarm usually goes off at 4:30; this gives me enough time to drink a cup of coffee, do some reading, get in a workout, and still get to work by 7:30. It's pretty early schedule, but one that suits me well. Staying on a schedule is good for me. Structure and routine is good for me as well. Today is different. I have been up since 12:30, doing my best to comfort our three dogs - 2 pit bulls and a doberman - during the thunderstorm that has been raging for the last hour or so. When it storms out our dogs whine, pace back and forth in the kitchen, whine some more, and sit at our bedroom door scratching and whimpering for my wife and my attention. Our dogs are not afraid of anything. Anything except thunderstorms. Each one of them has the soul of a lion in their own distinct way...whether that is protecting our home, my wife and I, or each other. They are the sweetest, most loving fur babies a guy and girl could have, but they are fierce when they need to be. I would take pity on the idiot that ever tried breaking into our home. Things would not go well for them.

I said that our dogs are fearless and I meant that. When they see or sense danger, they do not hesitate to go right into PROTECTION mode. Except during thunderstorms.  When it's raining and the sky is booming, our dogs look to my wife and I for comfort (and it is my turn, this time.) They get scared because they lack the capacity to understand what is happening. I am no doggie shrink, and certainly no Cesar Milan, but from what I can tell our pups are afraid because they can hear the loud BOOMS of thunder in the distance but can't see it. They can't tell where the loud noises are coming from. They fear that something MUST be wrong but they do not know what. Their little doggie brains must tell them "loud noise = danger" but they can't see the danger. They perceive that something must have gone wrong, something must be out there in the woods making those loud BOOMS and their response is to seek comfort from my wife and I. If I was a dog, that is what I would do, too!

Just like our fur babies (the term given to our pups by our dog sitter, quite fitting as well), humans seek comfort when scared or confused. When we can't see what's ahead of us in life, when we can't understand what's happening, why it is happening, or what the outcome might be, we panic. We worry. We stress. We worry some more. We drink, smoke, overeat, watch T.V. to shut off our brains, surf the net, and do just about anything to avoid dealing with life. We talk to other people and tell them just how much we are worrying, and how we wish we could stop worrying. We complain about the government, the rising costs of healthcare, the shitty job market, our finances, our relationships, and our friends and family. We want others to know just how bad things are for us, how much we are worrying and how anxious and stressed we are all of the time. A common one I hear a lot is "boy...there are just not enough hours in the day. Life is just so crazy! I always feel like I am playing catch up!" All of our complaining and moaning is actually a response to fear. FEAR of what we can't see, FEAR of what has not happened yet, or FEAR of what others are thinking about us. FEAR about if we will make it until our next paycheck. FEAR about losing our jobs. FEAR about a loved one dying. FEAR about dying ourselves. FEAR that we don't have JACK SHIT figured out, but we act like we do. FEAR that people will see right through our smokescreen of lies. FEAR that we will be found out to be WAY less than perfect. The list goes on indefinitely. Just like my puppies, people are afraid of what they cannot see. They are afraid of that which they do not understand. Make sense so far?

One of the most common questions I hear as a therapist is "HOW CAN I BE HAPPY, WHEN I HAVE SO MUCH GOING WRONG IN MY LIFE?" Great question. It usually starts off something like this: a client comes in for treatment. Their life has become dominated by substance dependency, worry, dysfunction, and unmanageability. Things have gone from bad to worse. They have often times lost their job, pissed off their loved ones, gone broke, their health has gone downhill, and life has generally taken a turn for the worst. Many of the clients I serve have lived very hard lives, have come from abusive families, and never learned the most basic of emotional coping skills. I will ask "what do you hope to gain from this treatment experience? How would you like to see your life change, and how can I help you make those changes?" Their responses 9.999 times out of 10 goes something like this: "I WANT TO BE HAPPY. I WANT TO QUIT DRINKING AND USING DRUGS. I WANT TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF. I WANT TO QUIT WORRYING SO MUCH."

What clients fail to realize (and it is no fault of their own - I used to be this way, too!) is that THEY ALREADY HAVE EVERYTHING THEY NEED IN LIFE TO BE HAPPY. They've already got it, they just don't know it. My job is to provide clients with opportunities to SEE LIFE THROUGH DIFFERENT EYES. That's about all my job entails. I'm not in the business of "changing lives", as my buddies often say, I am in the business of PROVIDING OPPORTUNITIES for people to CHANGE THEIR OWN LIVES by changing the way they look at things. Reality is only perception. Say this to yourself out loud: THERE IS NO REALITY, ONLY PERCEPTION. You see what you want to see. You hear what you want to hear. You feel how you want to feel, all based on what you choose to believe is true and not true. What is the difference between someone who is happy and someone who is not? They way they look at life. That's it.

We can't predict the future, and there are plenty of things in life to be afraid of...but ONLY if we choose to live with an attitude of FEAR. What if, just for today, you had an attitude of faith? What if you slowed down, did the best you could with what you've got, and lived with an attitude of gratitude and acceptance? What if you told yourself "I am EXACTLY where I am supposed to be in my life, things are going as planned, even if I can't see into the future. Things are working out behind the scenes...I just can't see it right now." What a difference this will make in your life. Try it. What have you got to lose? Don't stay under the covers, afraid of the storms in life. Get up, get dressed, and face the weather with the right attitude. You will be amazed how much better life will be.

Feel free to check out the links to my newest book, Chopping Wood & Carrying Water:
HAVE A GREAT DAY! ... Unless you have other plans, of course! :)
http://freedomthroughchange.com/
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Chopping Wood: There is no reality - only perception.

Chopping Wood: There is no reality - only perception.: It is way too early for me to be up. 1:30 a.m. in Michigan, to be exact. My alarm usually goes off at 4:30; this gives me enough time to dri...

And acceptance is the answer to all of my problems today...Alcoholics Anonymous p. 417

I used to want things my way and ONLY my way. Before getting sober I thought that life was supposed to always make sense. I used to look at other people who I deemed "happy" and wondered what the hell they were doing to get that way. I used to think that I had drawn the proverbial "short straw" in life - drugs, booze, crime, and no real plans for the future. Every day was like the one before it. I woke up wondering where my next fix would come from, how I would make it through the day and IF I would make it through the day. I lived my life as if NOTHING was possible. Talk about hopeless.

Since getting clean and sober a few 24-hours ago, I am finding that life is just about as good as I make it out to be. I can choose my attitude by choosing the kinds of thoughts I choose to entertain. I can choose to focus on what is working in my life, what is good, what I am grateful for, and make the most of each and every day. ATTITUDE IS A CHOICE and one we must make each and every day. Part of maintaining a good attitude is accepting the things I can do absolutely nothing about. I have learned that I can't change other people. I can't change how they think, how they behave, or what they think about me. In fact, what others think is NONE OF MY DAMN BUSINESS! This has been a lesson learned the hard way. If I am constantly trying to please other people, that leaves no room for doing what makes ME happy. Live and let live, eh? Works for me!

Today I can choose to live with an attitude of ACCEPTANCE. Acceptance of the things that are out of my control. Acceptance of the fact that the One who created me already has my path in life all figured out. I just have to get up, get dressed, get moving, and do my best. Things have a funny way of always working out in GOD'S way. He knows better than me. When I play God and try to manipulate what will happen, what might happen, what could happen - and so on - I am playing God. That is a scary concept!

Today my first crack at authorship will be quite telling. I have made my book, Chopping Wood & Carrying Water available for free. I'm proud of it. I worked hard on it. I hope you take a minute to download it, check it out, and leave me some feedback. Maybe the book will get 1,000 free downloads, maybe it will get ZERO. That is God's business. If you are so inclined, here is the link. Check it out, click on the picture of the book and be reading in five minutes. Or not. Thanks either way!

www.freedomthroughchange.com 

Finish each day and be done with it - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I think that most of human suffering can be explained in two very simple concepts: FEAR of tomorrow and REGRET for the past. What do you think? It is my belief that most people today are living in a fog of what MIGHT BE and not what IS. We spend countless hours planning for the future and put conditions on happiness: I will be happy when I get a raise. I will be happy when I find my calling in life. I will be happy once my bills are paid. I will be happy once I find my soul mate. I will be happy once I've lost some weight...and so on. We worry about tomorrow's problems before tomorrow even gets here. We think that we are the ones running the show, but this is quite wrong. GOD is running things. All we must do is get up, get dressed, and face life, ONE DAY AT A TIME. Life does not exist in the future. Life exists NOW. Life is happening in the PRESENT. One reason we are unhappy is because our minds are focused on tomorrow.

Many people also suffer because they hold on to yesterday. They worry that they said the wrong thing, missed an opportunity, or feel that they would have been better off had they been in the right place at the right time. Yesterday is gone forever. There are no rewind buttons in life. THIS IS IT, this is what we've got...TODAY. I personally refuse to take all the mistakes, misfortunes, and mishaps of yesterday into TODAY. The great thing about living ONE DAY AT A TIME is that each new day is a BRAND NEW opportunity to live my life the way that I want. I get a clean slate each and every morning, but I can ruin today by worrying about tomorrow and regretting yesterday. With one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow, I am pissing all over TODAY.

Just for today, do your best to KEEP YOUR HEAD WHERE YOUR FEET ARE. If you are sitting in a meeting, BE IN THAT MEETING. If you are washing the dishes, WASH THE DISHES. If you are walking the dog, by all means WALK THE DOG. Get into the habit of being mindful of each and every moment. We are each given the exact same number of hours each day...how will you spend yours?

If you are so inclined, a portion of my book CHOPPING WOOD & CARRYING WATER is available at http://www.freedomthroughchange.com  This little devotional will be available for free this weekend. I encourage you to download it, read it, and give me some feedback!