Acceptance is the answer...

“And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.”

-The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, 4^th ed.

Have you ever given any real thought to the above statement? As the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous tells us, acceptance is the answer to all of our problems today. Not some of our problems - not just our drinking or drug problems, or our problems with food, sex, gambling, or the internet, but all of our problems. Do you not think this is true? Think about this: are you where you want to be in your life at this moment? Are you living the kind of life you really want to be living? Are your relationships exactly how you want them to be? Do you like your job? How are your finances? What about your health? Do you need to lose a few pounds, quit smoking, or start exercising? My guess is that you are not exactly where you want to be in life, and this is why: you are fighting. You are fighting the fact that you dislike your job. You are angry at your spouse, parents, friends, or co-workers. You are broke, or you do not feel that you are earning enough money to meet your financial obligations. Maybe you have gotten a little thick around the middle in the last year. It is not your current reality which needs to change, but your level of acceptance. As the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says, “When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation – some fact of my life – unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.” Referring to your lists of THINGS I CAN CHANGE and THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE, take a close look at the areas of your life you are truly powerless to do anything about, THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE. Part of your unhappiness, depression, discouragement, and hopelessness is that you have been focusing your energy on things you cannot do anything about. THE THINGS YOU CANNOT CHANGE YOU MUST LEARN TO ACCEPT. Accepting the things you cannot change does not mean you have to agree with these things. It does not mean you have to like these things or believe that these things are fair. The goal is to move towards an attitude of acceptance - that is the crux of the whole idea behind acceptance, the key to happiness and serenity, and a stepping stone to a new way of life. Refer to your list of THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE again. Each morning, afternoon, or evening – better yet, all throughout the day – begin to pray for acceptance of these things. Ask God or your Higher Power to help you accept these things. If you are not quite there yet, ask your Higher Power for the willingness to accept these things. And remember, attempting to pray is praying. Expect immediate results if you are sincerely asking for help with acceptance. Keep this practice up for the rest of the day, tomorrow, and whenever you begin to struggle with acceptance of the things you cannot change. Get ready and roll up your sleeves, because the real work of changing your life begins on the next page.

I hope you have enjoyed the reading from my book:

Chopping Wood & Carrying Water: One Day at at Time

You can view more of the book, or download it for a minimal cost by clicking on the following address:
http://freedomthroughchange.com//

As always, thank you for reading. Keep chopping wood & carrying water...just for today.

Don't let the pond dry up...

The following is an excerpt from the book Chopping Wood & Carrying Water. I hope it makes you think about your life a bit differently...

“Life is either a daring adventure, or it is nothing” – Helen Keller

If you have put in the work thus far, you should be viewing yourself and your reality much differently by now. You have begun to look at your life differently in the past twelve days, and I hope by this point you are feeling better about where you are now and where you are going. Yesterday you examined your fears and limiting beliefs. We can talk all day, every day, about what we are going to do. I am going to go back to school someday. I am going to ask that special someone for their phone number. I am going to sign up for that exercise class. I am going to take that trip. What is stopping you? Maybe you feel that life has gotten a bit bland. Maybe you are thinking there has to be more to life than this. Maybe you are just plain bored and dissatisfied with the same activities, day in and day out. The problem is that you have gotten too comfortable with your current reality. When is the last time you tried something new? When is the last time you felt truly excited about something? If it is hard for you to recall ever feeling excited about your life, read on. If you are in a slump lately, read on. And if you simply want to challenge yourself to make your life just that much better, by all means read on!

Remember that the only thing keeping you from trying something new and making life a daring adventure is the way you are thinking. Starting today, ask yourself what parts of your life have become stagnant, and ask yourself what you can do, starting now, to change those parts of your life. Do you know what happens to a pond without a fresh supply of water running into it? You guessed it. The pond becomes stagnant, black, and begins to smell. Without a way for the pond to constantly replenish its fresh water supply, the life it holds begins to die. The pond begins to dry up. All living things need a constant supply of water in order to sustain themselves, in order to remain healthy and in order to grow. Does your pond have a fresh, healthy supply of water feeding it, or has your pond begun to dry up? What does you pond look like today, and what are you willing to do to change it? Eleanor Roosevelt said “The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” So what are you waiting for? If your life has become dried up pond, if life has become stagnant, do something differently, STARTING NOW. All you must do is begin.

Have a blessed day. As always, keep chopping!

http://freedomthroughchange.com/

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Paul-Wolanin-Chopping-Wood-Carrying-Water/486490918114288

If God is your co-pilot you are in the wrong seat. - Unknown

I hope this entry finds you well. This is an excerpt from my book, Chopping Wood & Carrying Water. 

Day 16

“If God is your co-pilot you are in the wrong seat!” – Unknown

Any 12-step program involves an admission of powerlessness over one’s dependencies. On top of that, we realize that we are not the ones in control of our own lives. God is in control. How can this be, you ask? You might be thinking: I am in perfect control of my life! I am in control of what I do, what I say, where I work, how I spend my money, and how I spend my time! While this may be true (because God gave us free will, after all), you are not in control of outcomes. You are not in control of the future. You are only in control of what you think and what you do.

As you read yesterday, expectations can be a very dangerous thing. Expectations can cause unnecessary anxiety, worry, and disappointment. They can lead us to destructive feelings: anger, resentment, depression, anxiety, bitterness, shame, and guilt. If you have begun to realize that God is in charge of worrying about the future, and you are in charge of doing the work that must be done today, you are continuing on a path which leads to serenity and peace. I have often seen bumper stickers that read GOD IS MY CO-PILOT. While this is a novel concept, it is wrong. God is the PILOT, we are the passengers. Part of the problem with most people today is that they continuously try to manipulate the variables in their lives so that things can happen their own way. They think they know better than God, better than the One who created them. You have probably found in your own life that the more you try and force something, the harder it seems to get: be that with a relationship, finances, career, your health, or just about anything else for that matter. The bumper sticker should read I AM GOD’S CO-PILOT. When was the last time you flew on a big commercial airliner? Do you remember boarding the plane, walking past the pilot? He probably greeted you and said “enjoy your flight” or something similar. Once all the passengers have found their seats, and the stewardesses have done their thing, the plane is sealed shut and takes off towards its destination. You are putting your absolute trust and faith into a pilot you have probably only met for a spilt second, if at all. The pilot sits in the cockpit behind a locked door and has the difficult task of getting the passengers to their destination safely. The pilot has all the skills and expertise he needs, PLUS he has the coordinates of where the he is going, AND all the instrumentation he needs to help get him there. He does not need your help! It would be insane (and it would get you into all kinds of trouble these days) for you to get up out of your seat, go knock on the cockpit door, and ask “excuse me, Mr. Pilot, are you sure you know where you are going? Although I have never flown a plane, would you like me to take over the controls for you?” How often do you do this in your own life? When things are not going how you think they should be going, do you take back the controls of your life and start steering your plane again? What usually happens? Well, if you are anything like me, you usually end up in trouble of some sort. The “plane” of life gets off course, and things fall apart. Stop taking over the controls. Stop telling God what he should do and let him do his job. Trust God with everything, and he will get you to your destination. 

Please visit my website for more information on the book Chopping Wood & Carrying Water

http://www.freedomthroughchange.com/

Thank you for reading. 
Paul

"Before Enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After Enlightenment, chop wood, carry water." - Zen Proverb

Chopping Wood & Carrying Water. This simple saying is my own philosophy for a life based on faith in God and the 12-steps of AA, but a philosophy that applies to all individuals, recovering or not. "Before Enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After Enlightenment, chop wood, carry water" is actually a Zen Proverb which can mean any number of things, in my humble opinion. This is what it means to me:

The mere acts of chopping wood & carrying water suggest work. Hard work. If you have ever actually chopped wood, as I have, for any amount of time you already know that it is a labor intensive act. Chopping wood involves concentration (if you don't want to chop off a foot, toe, or hand), physical strength, and time. It is by no means a quick and easy process. It requires preparation and a sharp ax or splitting maul. I think of "chopping wood" in terms of what it might have meant 100 or more years ago, before the advent of modern furnaces. If one wanted to heat their home or cook, chopping wood was something that had to be done daily. Wood was the fuel used to keep the fire going - the fire that sustained life. 

Carrying water was also necessary. Today "carrying water" is a task that the vast majority of people would never dream of doing, at least in modern western society. In some places in the world, carrying water is still something that must be done every day. Just as wood provides heat, water is something that people cannot do without. It is a must have. I have the modern convenience of running water in my home. It is even "hot" when I want it to be hot, and "cold" when I want it to be cold. All I must do is turn the handle of the faucet and instantly - almost magically - water appears. I have water to cook, drink, bathe, and so on. I even sometimes use water to wash my vehicles and to keep my lawn from turning brown. I have to admit that I take it for grated most days.

To me chopping wood and carrying water implies work. Hard work. Work that must be done daily. Chopping wood and carrying water applies to my recovery from drug and alcohol addiction. Chopping Wood and carrying water applies to setting and achieving goals. It applies to my relationships. It applies to the work I do every day with addicts, alcoholics, and those with mental health concerns. It applies to taking care of myself...exercise, eating right, and getting enough sleep. It applies to my relationship with God. It applies to everything. 

When I got clean from drugs and alcohol many years ago, I thought "recovery" would be easy. I figured that kicking dope and booze was all I really needed to do...once I was sober, I figured that everything else would just fall into place. I could not have been more wrong. Once my body had adjusted to living without substances, the real work of recovery began. The real work of changing the things that I could and surrendering to God the things I could not change. Sounds easy, right? Hardly. Recovery (and life in general) can be hard. It is supposed to be. Not hard in the sense that "oh...my life is so hard! Why can't life just be easy! Why do I always have to struggle?" Life is hard, and I LIKE IT THAT WAY! Life is hard but life is AWESOME, and this is why...

I used to think that everyone else in the world had it good. I would look at others smiling, laughing, and living their lives free of restraints. I didn't think that this would ever be possible for me, a guy who had always done wrong. A guy who had been in all kinds of trouble. A guy that had faced the demons of addiction, crime, and self-doubt. I discovered the true meaning of CHOP WOOD, CARRY WATER early in my recovery. I found that the harder I worked and the more I prayed, the better my life got. I chopped wood and carried water every single day. I did the things that had to be done in order to create the kind of life I had always wanted. Instead of lying around waiting for things to happen, I took action. I got up, got dressed, and gave every day my best effort. Chop wood, carry water. I dug a grave for all the bullshit excuses I had been making all my life and buried those excuses for good. No longer did I subscribe to the beliefs that had been dominating my life: You can't. It will be too hard. You're just not cut out for _________(fill in the blank with your own excuse.) I took action. With faith in God and AA, I began the process of changing the things I could. This was work, and it still is today. If I want to keep the life I've got, I need to work to maintain it. I have to keep my fire stoked and my bucket full. For me, this requires prayer, 12-step meetings, daily exercise, setting goals, and helping others. This also requires me doing what must be done -every single day - the things I don't want to do. I have to pay my bills, wash the dishes, shovel snow, do laundry, pick up dog shit (literally), take out the trash, and so on. A good life requires some measure of discilipine an hard work. A good life requires requires that I do my chores, tell the truth, and work my ass off. A good life requires that I chop wood and carry water when I'm tired, when it's freezing cold, when I'm sick, or when I would rather be watching football. If you take the four simple yet VERY powerful words: CHOP WOOD, CARRY WATER and apply them to any area of your life, you will be amazed at how your circumstances will begin to change. This is what I practice in my daily life. If I can do it, so can you. Keep your axes sharp. Keep chopping wood & carrying water.

If you would like to read some more about daily routines that can help you break out of the chains (excuses, rationalizations, and justifications) that have been holding you prisoner, click on the link below to read an excerpt from my book titled (yup, you guessed it!) CHOPPING WOOD & CARRYING WATER. You can also find me on Twitter, Facebook, and on my website www.freedomthroughchange.com 

http://freedomthroughchange.com/

https://twitter.com/Choppingwood76

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Paul-Wolanin-Chopping-Wood-Carrying-Water/486490918114288

Thank you for reading! Get chopping.

Paul

It is better to begin in the evening than not at all - English Proverb

What a powerful little idea: It is better to begin in the evening than not at all. If you are anything like me, you probably struggle with procrastination in some area in life. Life today seems to be busier than ever: work, kids, emails, laundry, cleaning, bills, and so on. These are the things we must do to just stay on top of things. Pretty status-quo stuff. What about the things that are not so common? What about the things that you have been putting off for weeks, months, or years?

It is easy to get caught up in a storm of excuses. It is easy to get stuck in the muck (and it IS muck) of complacency. If each day is feeling just like the last, if life in general feels boring, stale, and automated, it is time to make a change. Change is relative to each individual. I would ask you to take a few minutes with a pen and paper to list the areas in your life that have become stale. Boring. Status-quo. Ask yourself why this area(s) has become so predictable. Then ask yourself what you need to do in order to change this area(s) of your life. Honestly ask yourself what you are willing to do to change. Just because you know some area in your life needs a rework does not necessarily mean you are willing to make whatever changes are needed.  Willingness is the key that unlocks the door to action. What are you willing to do to make your life exciting, rewarding and moving forward?

The following is a reading from my favorite daily meditation book, Twenty-Four Hours a Day (Hazelden, 1975):

"I have gotten over my procrastination. I was always putting things off till tomorrow and as a result they never got done. 'There is always another day' was my motto instead of 'do it now." Under the influence of alcohol, I had grandiose plans. When I was sober I was too busy getting over my drunk to start anything. 'Some day I'll do that' - but I never did it. In A.A. I have learned that it's better to make a mistake once in a while than to never do anything at all. We learn by trial and error. But we must act now and not put it off until tomorrow. Have I learned to do it now?

I have written a little daily devotional book based simple, yet highly effective ways to break out of patterns of procrastination, fear, worry, and many other limiting behaviors. It is free today on the following websites. Thank you as always for reading my ramblings! Have a blessed day, and keep Chopping Wood & Carrying Water.

Paul

http://freedomthroughchange.com
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00FIGADEE

There is no reality - only perception.

It is way too early for me to be up. 1:30 a.m. in Michigan, to be exact. My alarm usually goes off at 4:30; this gives me enough time to drink a cup of coffee, do some reading, get in a workout, and still get to work by 7:30. It's pretty early schedule, but one that suits me well. Staying on a schedule is good for me. Structure and routine is good for me as well. Today is different. I have been up since 12:30, doing my best to comfort our three dogs - 2 pit bulls and a doberman - during the thunderstorm that has been raging for the last hour or so. When it storms out our dogs whine, pace back and forth in the kitchen, whine some more, and sit at our bedroom door scratching and whimpering for my wife and my attention. Our dogs are not afraid of anything. Anything except thunderstorms. Each one of them has the soul of a lion in their own distinct way...whether that is protecting our home, my wife and I, or each other. They are the sweetest, most loving fur babies a guy and girl could have, but they are fierce when they need to be. I would take pity on the idiot that ever tried breaking into our home. Things would not go well for them.

I said that our dogs are fearless and I meant that. When they see or sense danger, they do not hesitate to go right into PROTECTION mode. Except during thunderstorms.  When it's raining and the sky is booming, our dogs look to my wife and I for comfort (and it is my turn, this time.) They get scared because they lack the capacity to understand what is happening. I am no doggie shrink, and certainly no Cesar Milan, but from what I can tell our pups are afraid because they can hear the loud BOOMS of thunder in the distance but can't see it. They can't tell where the loud noises are coming from. They fear that something MUST be wrong but they do not know what. Their little doggie brains must tell them "loud noise = danger" but they can't see the danger. They perceive that something must have gone wrong, something must be out there in the woods making those loud BOOMS and their response is to seek comfort from my wife and I. If I was a dog, that is what I would do, too!

Just like our fur babies (the term given to our pups by our dog sitter, quite fitting as well), humans seek comfort when scared or confused. When we can't see what's ahead of us in life, when we can't understand what's happening, why it is happening, or what the outcome might be, we panic. We worry. We stress. We worry some more. We drink, smoke, overeat, watch T.V. to shut off our brains, surf the net, and do just about anything to avoid dealing with life. We talk to other people and tell them just how much we are worrying, and how we wish we could stop worrying. We complain about the government, the rising costs of healthcare, the shitty job market, our finances, our relationships, and our friends and family. We want others to know just how bad things are for us, how much we are worrying and how anxious and stressed we are all of the time. A common one I hear a lot is "boy...there are just not enough hours in the day. Life is just so crazy! I always feel like I am playing catch up!" All of our complaining and moaning is actually a response to fear. FEAR of what we can't see, FEAR of what has not happened yet, or FEAR of what others are thinking about us. FEAR about if we will make it until our next paycheck. FEAR about losing our jobs. FEAR about a loved one dying. FEAR about dying ourselves. FEAR that we don't have JACK SHIT figured out, but we act like we do. FEAR that people will see right through our smokescreen of lies. FEAR that we will be found out to be WAY less than perfect. The list goes on indefinitely. Just like my puppies, people are afraid of what they cannot see. They are afraid of that which they do not understand. Make sense so far?

One of the most common questions I hear as a therapist is "HOW CAN I BE HAPPY, WHEN I HAVE SO MUCH GOING WRONG IN MY LIFE?" Great question. It usually starts off something like this: a client comes in for treatment. Their life has become dominated by substance dependency, worry, dysfunction, and unmanageability. Things have gone from bad to worse. They have often times lost their job, pissed off their loved ones, gone broke, their health has gone downhill, and life has generally taken a turn for the worst. Many of the clients I serve have lived very hard lives, have come from abusive families, and never learned the most basic of emotional coping skills. I will ask "what do you hope to gain from this treatment experience? How would you like to see your life change, and how can I help you make those changes?" Their responses 9.999 times out of 10 goes something like this: "I WANT TO BE HAPPY. I WANT TO QUIT DRINKING AND USING DRUGS. I WANT TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF. I WANT TO QUIT WORRYING SO MUCH."

What clients fail to realize (and it is no fault of their own - I used to be this way, too!) is that THEY ALREADY HAVE EVERYTHING THEY NEED IN LIFE TO BE HAPPY. They've already got it, they just don't know it. My job is to provide clients with opportunities to SEE LIFE THROUGH DIFFERENT EYES. That's about all my job entails. I'm not in the business of "changing lives", as my buddies often say, I am in the business of PROVIDING OPPORTUNITIES for people to CHANGE THEIR OWN LIVES by changing the way they look at things. Reality is only perception. Say this to yourself out loud: THERE IS NO REALITY, ONLY PERCEPTION. You see what you want to see. You hear what you want to hear. You feel how you want to feel, all based on what you choose to believe is true and not true. What is the difference between someone who is happy and someone who is not? They way they look at life. That's it.

We can't predict the future, and there are plenty of things in life to be afraid of...but ONLY if we choose to live with an attitude of FEAR. What if, just for today, you had an attitude of faith? What if you slowed down, did the best you could with what you've got, and lived with an attitude of gratitude and acceptance? What if you told yourself "I am EXACTLY where I am supposed to be in my life, things are going as planned, even if I can't see into the future. Things are working out behind the scenes...I just can't see it right now." What a difference this will make in your life. Try it. What have you got to lose? Don't stay under the covers, afraid of the storms in life. Get up, get dressed, and face the weather with the right attitude. You will be amazed how much better life will be.

Feel free to check out the links to my newest book, Chopping Wood & Carrying Water:
HAVE A GREAT DAY! ... Unless you have other plans, of course! :)
http://freedomthroughchange.com/
http://askdavid.com/reviews/book/addiction/6953

Chopping Wood: There is no reality - only perception.

Chopping Wood: There is no reality - only perception.: It is way too early for me to be up. 1:30 a.m. in Michigan, to be exact. My alarm usually goes off at 4:30; this gives me enough time to dri...