It is way too early for me to be up. 1:30 a.m. in Michigan, to be exact. My alarm usually goes off at 4:30; this gives me enough time to drink a cup of coffee, do some reading, get in a workout, and still get to work by 7:30. It's pretty early schedule, but one that suits me well. Staying on a schedule is good for me. Structure and routine is good for me as well. Today is different. I have been up since 12:30, doing my best to comfort our three dogs - 2 pit bulls and a doberman - during the thunderstorm that has been raging for the last hour or so. When it storms out our dogs whine, pace back and forth in the kitchen, whine some more, and sit at our bedroom door scratching and whimpering for my wife and my attention. Our dogs are not afraid of anything. Anything except thunderstorms. Each one of them has the soul of a lion in their own distinct way...whether that is protecting our home, my wife and I, or each other. They are the sweetest, most loving fur babies a guy and girl could have, but they are fierce when they need to be. I would take pity on the idiot that ever tried breaking into our home. Things would not go well for them.
I said that our dogs are fearless and I meant that. When they see or sense danger, they do not hesitate to go right into PROTECTION mode. Except during thunderstorms. When it's raining and the sky is booming, our dogs look to my wife and I for comfort (and it is my turn, this time.) They get scared because they lack the capacity to understand what is happening. I am no doggie shrink, and certainly no Cesar Milan, but from what I can tell our pups are afraid because they can hear the loud BOOMS of thunder in the distance but can't see it. They can't tell where the loud noises are coming from. They fear that something MUST be wrong but they do not know what. Their little doggie brains must tell them "loud noise = danger" but they can't see the danger. They perceive that something must have gone wrong, something must be out there in the woods making those loud BOOMS and their response is to seek comfort from my wife and I. If I was a dog, that is what I would do, too!
Just like our fur babies (the term given to our pups by our dog sitter, quite fitting as well), humans seek comfort when scared or confused. When we can't see what's ahead of us in life, when we can't understand what's happening, why it is happening, or what the outcome might be, we panic. We worry. We stress. We worry some more. We drink, smoke, overeat, watch T.V. to shut off our brains, surf the net, and do just about anything to avoid dealing with life. We talk to other people and tell them just how much we are worrying, and how we wish we could stop worrying. We complain about the government, the rising costs of healthcare, the shitty job market, our finances, our relationships, and our friends and family. We want others to know just how bad things are for us, how much we are worrying and how anxious and stressed we are all of the time. A common one I hear a lot is "boy...there are just not enough hours in the day. Life is just so crazy! I always feel like I am playing catch up!" All of our complaining and moaning is actually a response to fear. FEAR of what we can't see, FEAR of what has not happened yet, or FEAR of what others are thinking about us. FEAR about if we will make it until our next paycheck. FEAR about losing our jobs. FEAR about a loved one dying. FEAR about dying ourselves. FEAR that we don't have JACK SHIT figured out, but we act like we do. FEAR that people will see right through our smokescreen of lies. FEAR that we will be found out to be WAY less than perfect. The list goes on indefinitely. Just like my puppies, people are afraid of what they cannot see. They are afraid of that which they do not understand. Make sense so far?
One of the most common questions I hear as a therapist is "HOW CAN I BE HAPPY, WHEN I HAVE SO MUCH GOING WRONG IN MY LIFE?" Great question. It usually starts off something like this: a client comes in for treatment. Their life has become dominated by substance dependency, worry, dysfunction, and unmanageability. Things have gone from bad to worse. They have often times lost their job, pissed off their loved ones, gone broke, their health has gone downhill, and life has generally taken a turn for the worst. Many of the clients I serve have lived very hard lives, have come from abusive families, and never learned the most basic of emotional coping skills. I will ask "what do you hope to gain from this treatment experience? How would you like to see your life change, and how can I help you make those changes?" Their responses 9.999 times out of 10 goes something like this: "I WANT TO BE HAPPY. I WANT TO QUIT DRINKING AND USING DRUGS. I WANT TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF. I WANT TO QUIT WORRYING SO MUCH."
What clients fail to realize (and it is no fault of their own - I used to be this way, too!) is that THEY ALREADY HAVE EVERYTHING THEY NEED IN LIFE TO BE HAPPY. They've already got it, they just don't know it. My job is to provide clients with opportunities to SEE LIFE THROUGH DIFFERENT EYES. That's about all my job entails. I'm not in the business of "changing lives", as my buddies often say, I am in the business of PROVIDING OPPORTUNITIES for people to CHANGE THEIR OWN LIVES by changing the way they look at things. Reality is only perception. Say this to yourself out loud: THERE IS NO REALITY, ONLY PERCEPTION. You see what you want to see. You hear what you want to hear. You feel how you want to feel, all based on what you choose to believe is true and not true. What is the difference between someone who is happy and someone who is not? They way they look at life. That's it.
We can't predict the future, and there are plenty of things in life to be afraid of...but ONLY if we choose to live with an attitude of FEAR. What if, just for today, you had an attitude of faith? What if you slowed down, did the best you could with what you've got, and lived with an attitude of gratitude and acceptance? What if you told yourself "I am EXACTLY where I am supposed to be in my life, things are going as planned, even if I can't see into the future. Things are working out behind the scenes...I just can't see it right now." What a difference this will make in your life. Try it. What have you got to lose? Don't stay under the covers, afraid of the storms in life. Get up, get dressed, and face the weather with the right attitude. You will be amazed how much better life will be.
Feel free to check out the links to my newest book, Chopping Wood & Carrying Water:
HAVE A GREAT DAY! ... Unless you have other plans, of course! :)
http://freedomthroughchange.com/
http://askdavid.com/reviews/book/addiction/6953
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